We can all think of those nasty situations from past work experiences where a leader kinda loses it and starts behaving… well… VERY badly. Things get tough, results aren’t where they need to be, serious problems are happening, and leaders slip into dysfunctional patterns. We’ve all seen it in others. But do we see it in ourselves?! That’s the power question. That’s the key question that will give you your power and influence back when times are tough: Do you see your dysfunctional impulses and patterns for what they are? And can you navigate away from them to choose more successful approaches, even in very stressful times?
Thus, our topic for discussion!
I’ve found the following description of the three derailment paths of leaders to be shockingly accurate. And most of us follow one of these paths of dysfunction more frequently than others.
The key derailment paths:
1) “Moving away behaviors,” which create distance from others through hyper-emotionality, diminished communication, and skepticism that erodes trust;
2) “Moving against behaviors,” which overpower and manipulate people while aggrandizing the self; and
3) “Moving toward behaviors,” which include being ingratiating, overly conforming, taking too much responsibility for others’ feelings, and being reluctant to take chances or stand up for what’s right.
–which one is YOUR go-to??
There are many different dysfunctional behaviors along each of these paths, and most people have a tendency to revert to one of these paths most often when they are facing adversity. All of these behaviors are caused by a lack of skills in emotional intelligence, or, as I would say it, a lack of ability to navigate adversity with wisdom, strength, and integrity. I see these behaviors in different forms and intensity from every single leader I work with. Here are a few fun, illustrative, real-life examples!
Path #1: ‘Jennifer’ was seeing a high level of turnover in her department, and started freaking out when she lost a couple of her highest performing team members. She gathered the managers in her department and allowed her anger and frustration to show. She declared that even though they weren’t admitting it, she knew they were doing something that was making people leave. She told all of them that if they didn’t figure out what was happening and stop the attrition immediately, there would be consequences.
Path #2: ‘Michael’ was facing the same problem, but handled it a bit differently. He also chose to gather his managers and talked about how in his early years of leadership he had a wave of attrition, and he used that challenge to study the dynamics of employee engagement and motivation, turned his team around, and had the highest retention rate on this team that the company had ever seen. He talked about how much skill he had gained in understanding what actually makes people stay, and told his managers that they would start intensive, 1:1 coaching with him, during which he would identify all the mistakes they were making and tell them specific strategies to implement to improve morale and retention on their teams. He told them they needed to start blind copying him on their emails with their team members so he could identify their mistakes and tell them how to improve.
Path #3: ‘Kelly’ took a very different path. She also gathered her managers and asked them all to go around and share how the recent wave of attrition was impacting them. She then dove into her emotions about the situation and asked them to do the same. She expressed that she didn’t ever want her managers to have to feel how they were feeling, and told them that it wasn’t their fault- it was the economy, and they shouldn’t doubt themselves or their choices. She expressed how much she admired their leadership and was there for them, no matter what. She then gave them all two days off to decompress and recharge.
All three of these leaders could be targets of criticism, for very different reasons. Yet they were all making the same mistake. They let the stress get the best of them. They acted out of fear and ego, which never leads to great results. Especially when it comes to leadership.
I’ve found that a very interesting dynamic is at play when we uncover the hidden forces behind our view of leaders in times of stress. We’ve all done irrational, unproductive things when we’re stressed, but when we judge a leader’s behavior, we tend to use a very unfair and faulty bias called the ‘Fundamental Attribution Error.’ This is the human tendency to attribute character flaws to bad choices in others, but not in ourselves. Specifically, this is a tendency to explain away or justify our own behavior by blaming external circumstances; ‘I flicked the guy off, but he cut me off first,’ while blaming an internal or intrinsic flaw or deficit in someone else who exhibits the exact same behavior; ‘that guy is obviously a total jerk because he flicked me off.’ It’s easy to point fingers and throw darts at someone in a leadership role. Yet, when we are in a leadership role and have to make the hard choices and demonstrate successful behavior in times of stress, are we choosing to take responsibility for our behavior, or are we acting in ways that we know aren’t optimal, and blaming the situation for our bad choices?
Which derailment path do you think you tend towards? And what selfish needs are you trying to get met when you go down that path? We all have these inclinations. We are human. Yet our ability to identify our fear and rise above it is what will make or break our success.