We’ve ALL had that difficult person at work. Maybe you’ve got multiple difficult people you’re dealing with all at once. Sometimes though, there’s just that one individual who seems to be at the heart of issues and they’ve become a toxic individual in the workplace. They’ve gone beyond difficult and become a term I like to call: a “crap-magnet.”
These are the people who say “It’s not my fault.” “That’s not my problem.” “They were responsible for the outcome,” etc.” They’ve got an excuse for everything but rarely offer solutions. What’s worse, is they make a larger share of mistakes, creating more problems for you and the team to solve, and they often don’t even care about the situation they’ve created or the quality of their own work.
Not everyone with a difficult personality is a “crap-magnet.” Many, if not most of these difficult people might be experiencing some dysfunction, but they want to fix it. They’re still fully engaged in what’s happening in the workplace. These are NOT the people we’re talking about today. Those who are experiencing dysfunction still care about the work they’re doing, and with a little time and attention to what’s not working, these issues can be fixed fairly quickly. If this more closely describes the current situation you’re in, keep reading, because the same things that help with a “crap-magnet” also work very well with those who are engaged but struggling.
As we always do, I like to tell a story to help give you context of what we’re talking about. I previously worked with a corporate leader named Julie (not their real name) who had a “crap magnet” on her team. When this individual was hired, they came in and made a definite impact on the business, but as time went on, more and more issues started popping up around her. (This is the first sign of a possible crap magnet, by the way.) Julie was beginning to hear stories from others about this person’s behavior, and how this person was not doing their job and a lot of their work was being picked up by the team. She was rude, short, and just overall had a very poor attitude.
The individual Julie was leading kept turning the blame on others in the team and how they were not getting things done. Julie kept hearing from this individual about how the issues in the department were the fault of others, never taking responsibility for the issues or even offering to find solutions to solve them. She was checked out. She didn’t care. Julie had even heard from her team about how much gossip and triangulation was happening with this individual.
Julie shared all this with me and asked “what should I do about this person? She’s really creating a rift within the organization and the team no longer trusts this person.” Here’s what I shared with Julie on how to remedy this challenging situation.
First, it’s important to understand that all of us have psychological needs that we seek at work, whether we’re conscious of them or not. One of the main reasons that this person is acting the way they are, is that they have some of these needs that are not being met, whether they realize it or not. When people become toxic, it’s usually a sign that these needs haven’t been met for a while.
As the leader, it’s up to you to figure out what that need is and present them opportunities to fill that need. It is not your responsibility to meet that need FOR them. I think this is worth repeating: Your responsibility, as the leader, is to provide the opportunities to get those needs met, not meet those needs for them.
Below, I’m going to include the three primary psychological needs that work generally fulfills, and will help you in diagnosing what’s going on with members of your team:
- Personal growth and skill mastery: Work teaches skills that are used to improve job performance, which helps with efficiency and productivity. It can also be a huge point of personal satisfaction. If an individual has stopped learning or skill building, this can be a reason for dysfunction or toxic behavior.
- Personal Purpose: This is the feeling that “I’m important and what I’m doing is important.” There also is an acknowledgement that what we’re doing together is better than what I could do alone. To simplify it further, it’s a feeling of belonging and ownership in what’s happening, and understanding how they fit into the bigger overall picture of what’s happening.
- Connection & Friendship: Humans are social creatures and we don’t live, work, or exist in a vacuum. Work provides unique social connections with others who are sharing the same purpose you are, the success of the organization. For some, they thrive on the connections they make at work and seek out individuals they work with to connect and build friendships.
Armed with this understanding of what the basic needs are, it’s time to have a conversation with your team member.
Start with asking what this person “gets out of work” or finds most fulfilling about their job. Keep the above 3 needs in mind during this conversation. Based on their responses, you should be able to decipher pretty quickly which of the three buckets above they fall into. Once you’ve deciphered which of the three psychological needs are not being met, you can shift the conversation to more directly addressing the behaviors that are happening. It also is the opportunity for you, as the leader, to take responsibility and let them know you believe in and support them.
Start by taking responsibility with a statement like this: “It seems like your needs haven’t been getting met at a sufficient level. I’ve been observing this and I’m not sure how I can help you get your needs met. Can we clarify what additional opportunities might be available to help you keep your flame lit?” While taking responsibility, it immediately puts the ownness back on them to state what’s missing and how to fix it. From there it’s time to collaborate on a solution, document it, and move forward. Put together an action plan and follow through.
If they begin to argue or deny the behaviors, it’s going to require you to be even more direct. In an effort to keep the conversation about what’s happening, and not the excuses. You can say “I believe in you and your ability to be successful. However, these behaviors (list them) are making you NOT successful, and they need to stop. What can I do to help you __________?(list psychological need you uncovered here)?” If they keep pushing and denying or making excuses, amp up the conversation by saying “I’ve seen this behavior and so have others. So it’s happening. We’re not going to debate it. I want to figure out how we fix it.” Do not stray from the goal of fixing the behaviors and documenting a solution.
Once the two of you have put this together, don’t put this in a drawer and forget about it, or you’re never going to solve your “crap-magnet” problem. Document the conversation, follow up with an email and your shared action plan for change. Then follow up and hold them accountable.
If this process sounds familiar, it should. It’s often referred to as a Performance Improvement Plan, or PIP.
From creating this, you’re really expecting two outcomes:
- They stick to the action plan and fix what’s going on
- They get promoted to “customer” and are no longer an employee
While we always hope for someone fixing their issues, it doesn’t always happen and we have to let someone go. I can’t encourage you enough as a leader to be prepared for either outcome.
Dealing with a crap magnet and diagnosing toxic behavior at work can be challenging, but it must be addressed in order to protect your teams and your business.
At Mission Squared, we work with leaders to help them navigate these difficult situations to improve your leadership, your team, and your business. If you’d like to learn more about who we are and what we do, we invite you to take our adversity hack crash course and gain further insight into becoming a better leader.