As I started working with a new client company, I noticed that everyone was talking about Nate (name changed for privacy). How terrible Nate was at managing his team, and how no one trusted him. Many people were using the word ‘toxic’ for Nate’s behavior. When I asked them for examples, they said things like ‘Well, several people have quit because of him’ or ‘he is so conceited’ or ‘he just isn’t good with people.’ My friends, those elements alone do NOT equal toxicity. That sounds like a good dose of dysfunction, yes. But toxicity? No.
And as leaders, we must address the two VERY differently.
We’ve ALL been dysfunctional at one time or another. A quick google search defines dysfunctional behavior as “an individual\’s abnormal functioning or attitude that can have negative implications or harmful influences.” So, any behavior we engage in that is self-sabotaging, harmful to our goals, or negatively influences other people. That is ALL of us, at some time or another. In fact, you cannot avoid dysfunctional behavior as a leader. We all have blind spots, and we’ve all done some things in adverse situations that we later see was not the most functional choice. But our intent was still good.
Common causes I’ve seen for dysfunction:
1. Unclear roles or performance goals
2. Pervasive mistrust between colleagues
3. Poor self-management skills
4. Low resilience or stress tolerance
5. Lacking the skills for the job… and not wanting to admit it
6. Being in a role is not a good fit for the job due to personal styles, mindsets and preferences.
We’ve all experienced these elements at one time or another, and gotten a little dysfunctional as we tried to find our way through the mess. However, many of us have never allowed those situations to make us TOXIC. That is a whole different thing. And that difference is essential to acknowledge when addressing dysfunctional or toxic behaviors, because we must take two very different paths.
So let’s be clear about the distinction between dysfunction and toxicity!
Back to my old friend google, I quickly found this definition of a toxic worker—“someone who engages in behavior that is harmful to an organization, including either its property or people.\” That implies that the behavior is clearly creating damage, so much so that the person exhibiting the behavior is aware. And that’s definitely my experience in numerous organizations with varying levels of dysfunction and toxicity. The dysfunction is a warning sign, toxicity is an all out forest fire. Dysfunction happens when people are trying their best. Toxicity happens when people no longer care about the results of their choices.
Gallup talks about the difference between a disengaged employee and an actively disengaged employee in way that resonates here. Disengaged employees just don’t care that much about their job results anymore, but ACTIVELY disengaged employees knowingly mess up other people’s results. That’s a powerful distinction!
Unfortunately we’ve probably all been in situations where we can tell we’re not making the most effective choices (i.e. we know we’ve become a little dysfunctional), and we worked hard to gain the clarity, skill and support we needed to pull out of it. Because we CARED.
That is the distinction. People who are behaving in toxic ways, choosing actions that they know are harmful to the company or their colleagues, have lost that care. They are acting willfully. Almost all of them justify it in their own minds, but that doesn’t make it any less damaging.
As leaders, we need to carefully assess the category of behavior we are seeing. Is someone being toxic, or are they just stressed and confused, but they care and are really trying? When I see dysfunctional behavior, I need someone who needs more support. When I see toxic behavior, I see someone who needs a wake-up call and clear boundaries.
But keep in mind that someone who is acting in toxic ways started off as dysfunctional for some reason, and as their leader you are responsible for the conditions that led to that dysfunction. For whatever reason, you didn’t provide or get them the support they needed to change course, and it worsened. It’s easy to blame someone who becomes toxic, letting ourselves off the hook. But that, my dear leader, is dysfunctional! When things go wrong, we absolutely have our part in the root causes of the problem at hand. Turn on your curiosity, help the person being toxic to identify their own dysfunction, tap back in to the care they used to have for their job, and help them to get back on a constructive path.
Granted, once we’ve moved in to toxicity it can be hard to turn back. But we all need someone to reach out that olive branch and believe in us, and demand that we try. Be diligent and clear in your expectations for the behavior change you need to see, and support the heck out of them in any way possible. And if the behavior doesn’t change quickly, pull the plug. They don’t have the will to change, and there is nothing you or anyone else can do at that point.
There are two, distinct paths for addressing dysfunction and toxicity:
Dysfunction: Work with the person to find the source of their disengagement and frustration, and identify a path forward with support and clarity to help address the friction holding them back.
Toxicity: Provide clear expectations for behavior change and clarity around the consequences of not changing. Then, follow the path suggested for addressing dysfunction. Then, watch CAREFULLY for fast behavior change and act quickly if you’re not seeing it.